The closest that I ever came to my grandmother visiting was when I to go to a clinic to have a D&C to complete a miscarriage. Though I was out like a light with the gas, I remember as clearly as if I was awake and lucid when it happened. My grandmother and my grandfather (who has visited) were suddenly standing there in front of me. My grandmother kind of reminded me of the woman in the American Gothic painting, very stoic. My grandfather, though, was his usual animated self he always is in our dream time visits. My grandmother was holding a baby wrapped in a pink blanket with a pink knit cap (like you would expect to see in a hospital nursery). I knew, that at that moment we had had a daughter, and that she was now with family who would take care of her. I'm pretty sure that as soon as they took the gas mask off my face I started to come around, and I remember trying to get the nurse or the doctor...someone....to tell me if I said anything out loud when I was under. It was as real and vivid and 3D as a dream visit and I knew that they had been there, that they had been the ones to help her cross, so I was frantic to find out if I actually managed to say anything out loud. Unfortunately, I will never know...the staff at the clinic were overworked, underpaid, and couldn't give one hair on a rat's ass about you or their job.
But that one visit of my grandmother...that stoic demeanor while my grandfather was his usual animated and smiling self. I've never been able to *get* that or to understand why she hasn't come to visit. I wonder if she visited my mom and if mom recognized them as visits or ghostly activity? It's something now that I wish I had thought to ask mom when she was still here.
Maybe my grandmother's lack of visits has something to do with her belief structure when she was still alive? Is she too busy doing crafts, reconnecting with her family long gone, learning a new sort of spiritual journey? I just don't know.... I do know that she was there for her great-granddaughter though and that (stoic or not) seems to make the whole situation more bearable, even after all these years!